The gardener

          The enormous weight of everyday life. Between a sip of black coffee and a puff of a cigarrete the reality finds place and opportunity to collapse. With the atmosphere as dense as water, time has stopped. It is not just the domestic indulgences, but this movement and necessities drained my powers. All the harmony has broken and I watch the confusion in a box of mosaics. It is hard to find the pattern. Life must be seen from the outside to show some reason. Even myself seems to fit the strangeness of the chaos. The pressure of time crushing my very little acts.
          My existence is a dark warehouse lightened by the light of my mind. However, my battery is almost dead and there's not much to see now. The potential of this is like a fairy tale on a book of thousands of tales which I am not interested at. And the months rushing in a schedule made for me stretches my ropes regardless of the pain. A common life has its time of glory once in a while, but this time of History, that country, that city are not mine and I am starting to disbelieve in "elsewheres".
          My nature tells me to be still and listen, but who are going to wait for me? The nature of my flesh is as fast as Earth's and I cannot peacefully ask people to await the end of my ice ages. On the continent of my self I cannot predict the stormy and droughts yet. Each hour has a name which I have not named myself. Nonetheless, I am sure this life can be mine once more. Not painted with blue or red, green or black. I love the pastels. I dilute the colors of my life in many sub-tones on the thin-layer chromatography of my perception. And alchemists need time to create, to reveal something hidden. Time that I do not have.
          The threats of a so-called irresponsible life are feared by my beloveds more than by myself. I cannot give you quick answers but I can give you mature answers if you wait. Answers that generate rain in my prairies. I am a gardener, not a farmer. And I'm being convinced to buy seeds and machinery that I don't want for the good of growing of poisoning food to me.